I am, in fact, alive and well.  Perhaps I'll return to the world of blogging in the near future.

-S

 Stolen shamelessly from the internets:

[From Consumerist]

Me:  No, it's been way too long, they're not going to understand...
Also Me:  Trust me, someone will understand.
Me:  You really think so?
Also Me:  I'm sure of it.  You made it so memorable before!  Of course they'll remember it now!
Me:  I have my doubts.  Should we explain?
Also Me:  Not yet.  We still have the footnotes.

Blog remains idle.
I think I'll write a Haiku
Or Stephen Update.

I guess when you boil it all down, you can actually have both here on one page.  I mean, I have Stephen'z Blog pop up in my browser on startup, apparently to remind me that I haven't blogged anything seriously in about three months.  To which I ask, "Why the heck not?!?"

My answer:  "I dunno."

(I talk to my self alot on this thing, don't I?)

I mean, it's not like a lot hasn't happened in the past three months.  We've passed 5 federal holidays, three of them major family events.  (I really need to get pictures from our next President's Day jack-o-lantern carving bonanza.) Maybe it actually is the fact that a lot has happened in the past three months.  Chandler has had lots of firsts.  That little booger is crawling everywhere now and he's just a couple hairs away from taking his first steps.  Currently, he is experiencing a little bit of a cold, courtesy of some kids at church.  I also am experiencing a little bit of a cold, courtesy of Chandler. (Just when I thought I had gotten rid of 7/8 of what I had before, I start all over again.  )

Back to my problems on why I'm not posting, it's because there are so many other places that I can just stick stuff and be done with it.  Twitter, Facebook...okay, so there are two other places that I can just stick stuff and be done with it.  I guess I have forgotten that I like to put a bunch of discontiguous thoughts here on Stephen'z Blog as well.  Huh...I'll keep that in mind.

We have a new floor!  You should see the new floor we got as an early Christmas present.  If I knew then what I knew now, it would either look a whole lot better, or we would have paid someone to put it down.  I'm not sure which.  It was one of those snap-together laminate floors.  It's a whole lot easier to put it in on TV, I guarantee you.  Perhaps I should use a video camera next time.  For the most part, it looks great!  My finish carpentry skills still need some work.  Some better tools would help, too, but I think most of it's my skills.

I have a new grill! Yeah, boyeeeee!  I gots some bling in my mouf!  Oh, wait...not that kind of grill.  I have a new gas grill.  Shanda got me that for Christmas.  It is fabulous.  Especially considering the last one we had was falling apart.  I'm actually becoming more willing to put hamburgers on the grill.  They flare up, they stick, they fall apart...but now that I'm working with a decent appliance, I'm not so afraid to try, so it's working to my advantage.  Again, better tools, improving skills.

We're going to a new church!  Really, it's a new church...like brand new.  It's even got that new church smell.  It still has that break-in oil.  This church is soooo new!  (How new is it?!?)  Well, I'm glad I asked...this church is so new, the pastor, who's from California, is still suffering jetlag!  This church is soooo new, the worship band likes to shy away from playing all of those old hymns like the ones they play on K-Love. Okay, so I might be exaggerating just a tad, but it is a brand new church.  They only had their launch service a little over a month ago.  (We were there.  It was awesome.) We've fallen in love with this church.  It's considerably smaller than where we were going, which for us is a good thing.  We've already met several people, had supper at the pastor's house.  One of the cool tools we're using at church is SOAP.  Yes, we're washed in the blood and washed in the tub.  No wait...there must be a reason SOAP is in all caps.  Ah yes, it stands for Scripture, Observations, Application, and Prayer.  We're studying a scripture (a daily chapter of John lately), writing down our observations on the scripture, writing how we can apply it to our lives, and writing out a prayer to God based on the scripture.  So...if you see me SOAPing up my blog, you'll know why.

I don't know what else to fill you in on, so I guess I'd better split.  Bye!

-S

Me:  So yeah, about that up there?
Also Me:  Yeah?  What about it?
Me:  We said we would explain it in the footnotes?
Also Me:  Let's give them a sense of accomplishment.
Me:  Oh, no...you're not gonna have them read the whole entire blog are you?  There's like 15 pages!!!
Also Me:  Nah, I was just gonna suggest they use the search box up there to enter "first paragraph" and see what it is we're talking about.
Me:  Oh, good idea!  But they can read the whole entire blog if they want to, right?
Also Me:  That's a BIIIIG if.

Dear readers of Stephen'z Blog,

I'm not dead.

-Stephen

(An open letter I've submitted to Heinz via their website.)

To whom it may concern:

I just wanted to say that I have an increasingly unhealthy dislike for the new ketchup bottles.  Actually, I have no problem with the bottle itself, it's the lid.  

There's no way to be precise when dispensing the product.  I've tried to squeeze gently, thinking maybe the ketchup won't come out fast, and none comes out at all.  So I squeeze harder and harder, and none comes out.  I continue to squeeze harder, expecting the same results when, suddenly, out shoots a tablespoon of ketchup in one unfortunate location.  

Also, after the bottle decides to let loose the juice, I'm afraid to loosen my grip, as slowing the flow could possibly stop the flow.  I can no longer casually draw lines of ketchup on each french fry.  I must rush my food creation, squirting ketchup hither and yon, ketchup falling where it may without any regard as to which food I want it to accessorize.

While I like the original glass bottle, plastic is much more suitable to our household.  Gone are the days of "anticipation."  I'm okay with the plastic bottles with lids of days gone by.  However, this new plastic lid is just terrible.  Here are the days of haphazard Heinz hogwash.

I do hope you will consider reverting to the older free-flow style of lid, or somehow improving the lid so that I can once again be an artiste with my ketchup.

Thanks for your consideration,

-Stephen White

Nah...just an explination will do.

Gives me an idea on how to "fix" my truck door...

[From ThereIFixedIt.com]

Doooooooooooooooh, I'm peeved off! 

Say you go onto a website and they're trying to sell you something.  They might have something like this:

Genuine Rhinocerous Buttocks Replacement Kit $499,999.97

This item is a genuine rhinocerous buttocks replacement kit.

Features:

• Genuine Rhinocerous Buttocks
• 2 buttocks (one set)
• Nice rhinocerousy feel
• Color: Kinda greyish
• Texture:  rough and a little hairy

Click here for more details

So when you see this you might think to yourself, "Say, I'm interested in obtaining one of these rhinocerous buttocks replacement kits.  Does the kit smell like a genuine rhinocerous?  What flavor is the rhinocerous buttocks?  Will the rhinocerous buttocks replacement kit fit my cousin whose own buttocks turned orange with green stripes and purple polka-dots and subsequently fell off?  (I was very sorry to hear about that, BTW.)  I would like to see more details."

So, you click to see more details, and with what do they present you?  A little pop-up box containing:

Genuine Rhinocerous Buttocks Replacement Kit $499,999.97

This item is a genuine rhinocerous buttocks replacement kit.

Features:

• Genuine Rhinocerous Buttocks
• 2 buttocks (one set)
• Nice rhinocerousy feel
• Color: Kinda greyish
• Texture:  rough and a little hairy

What?!?  These are not more details!  These are the same details but with a different typeset and a different background! You can't fool me that easily!

The only thing worse than that is when someone shows a little picture, I mean a tiny picture.  One of those pictures you would expect to see as a buddy icon, but it's not quite large enough to make out what it is.  And right below, it says "Click to enlarge."  Then when you click it, they give you the SAME PICTURE AGAIN!!!  Or even worse, they are truthful and give you an enlarged picture which has only been enlarged by a fistful of pixels on each side!

Peeves me to no end...if you say you're going to give me more, give me more!  I'm not being greedy, I'm just trying to take someone up on an offer that he/she is not prepared to fulfill!

Click here for more things that peeve Stephen off.

Don't copy that floppy!  Or that CD, or that flash drive, or that DVD, or that...

(From YouTube)

(No, it's not time for a new category heading...yet.)

If you're not familiar with the concept of six degrees of separation, I'm not going to explain it to you.

Well, today I was glancing through this article from The Consumerist.  "Oh, a North Carolina man, eh?"

So...I clicked on through to the Yahoo article.  I read on... "Duke University Medical Center..." blah blah blah... "Manley's case eventually came to the attention of Dr. Momen Wahidi, director of interventional pulmonology at Duke."  Why does that name sound familiar?

I check back to my e-mail for where I thought I might see that name.  As it turns out, I just did a side job for a Dr. Maxwell.  Dr. Maxwell.  My boss had Ms. Springs contact me, and Ms. Springs put me in contact with Dr. Maxwell.  Ms. Springs is the assistant to:  Dr. Momen Wahidi.

My network is growing. 

...here are the 7 most inappropriate items you can buy for your child this holiday season...or any time for that matter!

From Huffington Post