I promised you a blog today on the Twitter, so here goes nothing!

So, I guess it was sometime this past winter or early spring that my 2nd job stopped offering direct deposit for our paychecks.   It's been quite the inconvenience, since I had some bills set up on autodraft that were counting on my having money deposited on payday instead of a day or two later.  I've dealt with it.  Normally it isn't a problem…until recently.

I don't know if you recall a few weeks back when there was a bomb threat that shut down I-40?  Well, silly me didn't think about it until after I was stuck in traffic for about 10 minutes that US-70 was one of the recommended detour routes for I-40.  So it took me an extra 30-45 minutes to get to the office and pick up my check then get to the bank and deposit it.

Then last week when I went to pick up my paycheck, I find out that my paycheck will be coming on Monday after I go out of town with an empty wallet.    No bounced checks, so it was all good.

All of that wasn't absolutely necessary to tell my story about today.   So, over the weekend, I went to collect my paycheck.  Again, I find out that my paycheck will come on Monday.  Fine.  I return today to collect my paycheck.  I grab my check, and no problems.  I head to the bank and just as I cross over the hill, there was a three or four car pileup on the side of the road.  Traffic backed up for about 10 minutes to go a mile.  I roll the windows down and start jamming my KLove radio.  So eventually traffic clears and I make it to the bank. 

I pull up to the ATM and as I'm sticking my card in, I notice the messages "deposit currently unavailable".  WHAAA???  Then I start trying to think in my head, where is the closest ATM where I can deposit my check?  I can only think of the one at a bank I don't want to go to, the one halfway to work, and the one at work.  Well, fortunately I had my handy-dandy BlackBerry on me.  So I fire up the Google Maps on there and I remember that I've been having GPS issues today.  [sigh] Fine.  I'll pop the battery out and back in and then everything should work just fine.  Okay.

Now, it should be coming up any minute now.

Okay, it's booting.  The little bar is moving across the screen.

Slowly.

Very slowly.

That's okay, I can just look at my Twitter while I…no, I can't.  That's on the phone.  I can turn the radio back on.  Somebody pulls up beside me like they think the bank might actually be open at 6:45.  

Eventually, the BlackBerry comes back to life, and I sign into Google Maps and try to find the closest bank to where I am.  Okay, the second closest, Google.  I'm in the parking lot of the bank.  Do you really think I wanted to know that I was sitting in the parking lot of the bank?  I already knew that.  Thank you google.  So, I zoom out and try again.  The map looks like a teenager with bad acne at this point.  Dots all across the map.  As I go from point to point, I see that they are not banks but mortgage centers.  Not helpful.  So I try the list to weed out which bank might be closer.  After all, they aren't listed in order of closest to furthest away.  That would be useful.  I finally pick my bank in Morrisville.  Just a quick ride up 540 and I'll be there done and back home in no time.

So, up 540, I trek.  I'm following the GPS as safely as I can.  I look for my next turn and have the name of the road in my head while I sit at a traffic light waiting.  So I glance down and I think, "Cool, it's just around the bend here."  So, as I approach the road, I see barricades.  I see flashing lights.  I think "Morrisville, Morrisville…MORRISVILLE?!? NOOOOOO!!!"  Yeah, so I see the transportation workers replacing the crossing signals and other equipment as I pass by.  At this point, I'm laughing out loud!  God wanted me to spend some extra time in my car this evening.

So I pull off the road into a little shopping center.  At this point, I'm either going to find a way around the closed railroad crossing, or I'm going to have to go deep into Cary to find a bank.  Judging by the map, I was about halfway between the two, so I decided to go to the Morrisville branch so I'd be closer on my way to the house.  As I'm driving down the road, about to approach my next turn, I see Cary's electric signboard telling me that the railroad crossing that I just passed about a mile back is closed.  Thanks for the heads up, Cary!

So I get nearer and nearer to the bank, and I look down at my GPS and I'm just barely past where I should be.  I make a U-turn and pull into the shopping center which hopefully contains my bank.  I see a bank over the crest of the hill and it's not my bank.  I think, "ha ha, no way."  Fortunately, there was a second bank just beyond the first.  But I noticed there was some yellow caution tape and road cones and what looked like some missing equipment.  "Are you kidding me?!?  Of all the banks I choose, I find the one where they tried to reenact the famed video and have taken out the ATM."

Fortunately for me, I was wrong.  The ATM was next to the bank and intact.  It was also accepting of my deposit!  I make my deposit and make my way home from Morrisville. As I'm getting my bearings while sitting at a traffic light, I look to the left.  I immediately realize that my bank was right there, 15 minutes, not 30 minutes from the house.  I couldn't help but again laugh out loud.  God is funny.

My extra hour of driving around made me realize that God is in control.  I was driving around worried a bit about some things which look like they're coming up the road.  Instead of letting me worry about it, He let me know that it doesn't matter what I have planned or what I think is going to happen.  I might think I'm going straight from point A to point B.  Instead, God isn't even sending me to point B, I get to go to point Q-33, accomplish the same thing or more, and feel better about it than I would have otherwise.

Psalm 46 (NIV) - God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.  Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging. "Selah" There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy place where the Most High dwells.  God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at break of day.  Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall; he lifts his voice, the earth melts.  The LORD Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress. "Selah"  Come and see the works of the LORD, the desolations he has brought on the earth.  He makes wars cease to the ends of the earth; he breaks the bow and shatters the spear, he burns the shields with fire.  "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."  The LORD Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress. "Selah"

 

I am, in fact, alive and well.  Perhaps I'll return to the world of blogging in the near future.

-S

 Stolen shamelessly from the internets:

[From Consumerist]

Me:  No, it's been way too long, they're not going to understand...
Also Me:  Trust me, someone will understand.
Me:  You really think so?
Also Me:  I'm sure of it.  You made it so memorable before!  Of course they'll remember it now!
Me:  I have my doubts.  Should we explain?
Also Me:  Not yet.  We still have the footnotes.

Blog remains idle.
I think I'll write a Haiku
Or Stephen Update.

I guess when you boil it all down, you can actually have both here on one page.  I mean, I have Stephen'z Blog pop up in my browser on startup, apparently to remind me that I haven't blogged anything seriously in about three months.  To which I ask, "Why the heck not?!?"

My answer:  "I dunno."

(I talk to my self alot on this thing, don't I?)

I mean, it's not like a lot hasn't happened in the past three months.  We've passed 5 federal holidays, three of them major family events.  (I really need to get pictures from our next President's Day jack-o-lantern carving bonanza.) Maybe it actually is the fact that a lot has happened in the past three months.  Chandler has had lots of firsts.  That little booger is crawling everywhere now and he's just a couple hairs away from taking his first steps.  Currently, he is experiencing a little bit of a cold, courtesy of some kids at church.  I also am experiencing a little bit of a cold, courtesy of Chandler. (Just when I thought I had gotten rid of 7/8 of what I had before, I start all over again.  )

Back to my problems on why I'm not posting, it's because there are so many other places that I can just stick stuff and be done with it.  Twitter, Facebook...okay, so there are two other places that I can just stick stuff and be done with it.  I guess I have forgotten that I like to put a bunch of discontiguous thoughts here on Stephen'z Blog as well.  Huh...I'll keep that in mind.

We have a new floor!  You should see the new floor we got as an early Christmas present.  If I knew then what I knew now, it would either look a whole lot better, or we would have paid someone to put it down.  I'm not sure which.  It was one of those snap-together laminate floors.  It's a whole lot easier to put it in on TV, I guarantee you.  Perhaps I should use a video camera next time.  For the most part, it looks great!  My finish carpentry skills still need some work.  Some better tools would help, too, but I think most of it's my skills.

I have a new grill! Yeah, boyeeeee!  I gots some bling in my mouf!  Oh, wait...not that kind of grill.  I have a new gas grill.  Shanda got me that for Christmas.  It is fabulous.  Especially considering the last one we had was falling apart.  I'm actually becoming more willing to put hamburgers on the grill.  They flare up, they stick, they fall apart...but now that I'm working with a decent appliance, I'm not so afraid to try, so it's working to my advantage.  Again, better tools, improving skills.

We're going to a new church!  Really, it's a new church...like brand new.  It's even got that new church smell.  It still has that break-in oil.  This church is soooo new!  (How new is it?!?)  Well, I'm glad I asked...this church is so new, the pastor, who's from California, is still suffering jetlag!  This church is soooo new, the worship band likes to shy away from playing all of those old hymns like the ones they play on K-Love. Okay, so I might be exaggerating just a tad, but it is a brand new church.  They only had their launch service a little over a month ago.  (We were there.  It was awesome.) We've fallen in love with this church.  It's considerably smaller than where we were going, which for us is a good thing.  We've already met several people, had supper at the pastor's house.  One of the cool tools we're using at church is SOAP.  Yes, we're washed in the blood and washed in the tub.  No wait...there must be a reason SOAP is in all caps.  Ah yes, it stands for Scripture, Observations, Application, and Prayer.  We're studying a scripture (a daily chapter of John lately), writing down our observations on the scripture, writing how we can apply it to our lives, and writing out a prayer to God based on the scripture.  So...if you see me SOAPing up my blog, you'll know why.

I don't know what else to fill you in on, so I guess I'd better split.  Bye!

-S

Me:  So yeah, about that up there?
Also Me:  Yeah?  What about it?
Me:  We said we would explain it in the footnotes?
Also Me:  Let's give them a sense of accomplishment.
Me:  Oh, no...you're not gonna have them read the whole entire blog are you?  There's like 15 pages!!!
Also Me:  Nah, I was just gonna suggest they use the search box up there to enter "first paragraph" and see what it is we're talking about.
Me:  Oh, good idea!  But they can read the whole entire blog if they want to, right?
Also Me:  That's a BIIIIG if.

Dear readers of Stephen'z Blog,

I'm not dead.

-Stephen

(An open letter I've submitted to Heinz via their website.)

To whom it may concern:

I just wanted to say that I have an increasingly unhealthy dislike for the new ketchup bottles.  Actually, I have no problem with the bottle itself, it's the lid.  

There's no way to be precise when dispensing the product.  I've tried to squeeze gently, thinking maybe the ketchup won't come out fast, and none comes out at all.  So I squeeze harder and harder, and none comes out.  I continue to squeeze harder, expecting the same results when, suddenly, out shoots a tablespoon of ketchup in one unfortunate location.  

Also, after the bottle decides to let loose the juice, I'm afraid to loosen my grip, as slowing the flow could possibly stop the flow.  I can no longer casually draw lines of ketchup on each french fry.  I must rush my food creation, squirting ketchup hither and yon, ketchup falling where it may without any regard as to which food I want it to accessorize.

While I like the original glass bottle, plastic is much more suitable to our household.  Gone are the days of "anticipation."  I'm okay with the plastic bottles with lids of days gone by.  However, this new plastic lid is just terrible.  Here are the days of haphazard Heinz hogwash.

I do hope you will consider reverting to the older free-flow style of lid, or somehow improving the lid so that I can once again be an artiste with my ketchup.

Thanks for your consideration,

-Stephen White

Nah...just an explination will do.

Gives me an idea on how to "fix" my truck door...

[From ThereIFixedIt.com]

Doooooooooooooooh, I'm peeved off! 

Say you go onto a website and they're trying to sell you something.  They might have something like this:

Genuine Rhinocerous Buttocks Replacement Kit $499,999.97

This item is a genuine rhinocerous buttocks replacement kit.

Features:

• Genuine Rhinocerous Buttocks
• 2 buttocks (one set)
• Nice rhinocerousy feel
• Color: Kinda greyish
• Texture:  rough and a little hairy

Click here for more details

So when you see this you might think to yourself, "Say, I'm interested in obtaining one of these rhinocerous buttocks replacement kits.  Does the kit smell like a genuine rhinocerous?  What flavor is the rhinocerous buttocks?  Will the rhinocerous buttocks replacement kit fit my cousin whose own buttocks turned orange with green stripes and purple polka-dots and subsequently fell off?  (I was very sorry to hear about that, BTW.)  I would like to see more details."

So, you click to see more details, and with what do they present you?  A little pop-up box containing:

Genuine Rhinocerous Buttocks Replacement Kit $499,999.97

This item is a genuine rhinocerous buttocks replacement kit.

Features:

• Genuine Rhinocerous Buttocks
• 2 buttocks (one set)
• Nice rhinocerousy feel
• Color: Kinda greyish
• Texture:  rough and a little hairy

What?!?  These are not more details!  These are the same details but with a different typeset and a different background! You can't fool me that easily!

The only thing worse than that is when someone shows a little picture, I mean a tiny picture.  One of those pictures you would expect to see as a buddy icon, but it's not quite large enough to make out what it is.  And right below, it says "Click to enlarge."  Then when you click it, they give you the SAME PICTURE AGAIN!!!  Or even worse, they are truthful and give you an enlarged picture which has only been enlarged by a fistful of pixels on each side!

Peeves me to no end...if you say you're going to give me more, give me more!  I'm not being greedy, I'm just trying to take someone up on an offer that he/she is not prepared to fulfill!

Click here for more things that peeve Stephen off.

Don't copy that floppy!  Or that CD, or that flash drive, or that DVD, or that...

(From YouTube)

(No, it's not time for a new category heading...yet.)

If you're not familiar with the concept of six degrees of separation, I'm not going to explain it to you.

Well, today I was glancing through this article from The Consumerist.  "Oh, a North Carolina man, eh?"

So...I clicked on through to the Yahoo article.  I read on... "Duke University Medical Center..." blah blah blah... "Manley's case eventually came to the attention of Dr. Momen Wahidi, director of interventional pulmonology at Duke."  Why does that name sound familiar?

I check back to my e-mail for where I thought I might see that name.  As it turns out, I just did a side job for a Dr. Maxwell.  Dr. Maxwell.  My boss had Ms. Springs contact me, and Ms. Springs put me in contact with Dr. Maxwell.  Ms. Springs is the assistant to:  Dr. Momen Wahidi.

My network is growing.