Introducing yet another new category!  How2?  Yes!  How2?  Yes!  No, it's called How2?  I know it's called How2?  Oh, then why'd I keep asking?  Anyway, "How2?" is (are?) Stephen'z instructions for everyday living.  If you want to know how to do something, then check and see if Stephen'z written a "How2?" article on it.  You'll be glad you did.  I've also decided to right-justify the graphic.

I've had many people ask me, "Stephen, where does asiago cheese come from?"  And I tell them, "That's a silly question.  It comes from milk, just like all cheeses."

Well, today isn't about cheese, today I'm going to tell you How2 make me read your blog.  Currently in my Google Reader I have about five hundred things to read.  I've managed to go through about two hundred or so per day for the past few weeks, however there seem to be several of them that just don't get read.  Here's what I've noticed about the ones that DO get read.

1. They're Funny.
2. They're Short.
3. They have pictures.

Others tend to be a combination of those topics.  Now you might be reading this thinking, "Wait a minute!  I never write anything funny, short, or illustrated."  That doesn't necessarily mean that I skip what you write altogether.  No, things that are relevant to my interests (family, church, local news, etc.) get read as well.  They might not be the first thing I read, but I do read them.

Oh, and another thing...if you want me to read your blog, don't post every day unless you're going to be funny, short, or having pictures.  Because if you're serious, wordy, and unillustrated, there's a strong chance that you're going to remain one of the 250 items left over at the end of the day.

[From YouTube]

You've been tagged (okay, not really); you are supposed to write a note with the 3's of YOU. At the end, choose some friends to be tagged. You have to tag me so really you just need 19 more people. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.  (Since I didn't actually tag you, I won't feel bad if you respond and I don't read it.)

(To do this, go to “notes” under tabs on your profile page, paste these instructions in the body of the note, type your 3''s of Me, tag 20 people - in the right hand corner of the app - then click publish.)

Three names I go by:
1. Stephen
2. Papa
3. Excusemesir!

Three Jobs I have had in my life:
1. Computer Repairman
2. Shuttle Bus Driver
3. Shuttle Van Driver

Three Places I have lived:
1. Hurdle Mills, NC
2. Raleigh, NC
3. Durham, NC

Three Favorite drinks:
1. Mello Yello
2. Mt. Dew
3. Dr. Pepper

Three TV Shows that I watch:
1. Jeopardy
2. Diners, Drive-ins, & Dives
3. Yard Crashers

Three places I have been:
1. Washington, D. C.
2. The Bahamas  (Both the one in the tropics, and the one in northern Durham County)
3. Frogsboro

People that text me regularly:
1. Ken
2. Shanda
3. People who mistakenly think I'm Brett G.

Three of my favorite foods:
1. Homemade ice cream
2. Tomato biscuit (with fresh garden tomatoes)
3. NY strip steak

Three friends I think will respond:
1. I haven't yet decided if I want to make people respond or not...
2. Nah.  You're off the hook this time.
3. (YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!!!!!)

Three things I'm looking forward to:
1. Fall Vacation
2. Christmas Vacation
3. Vegas Vacation?

Three things I like to do when I am bored:
1. Read the news
2. Surf the Internet
3. Daydream

Three things I want to try to do:
1. Be better organized
2. Less fat...mo muscle (Hercules! Hercules! Hercules!)
3. Get all the cars in my yard in working order.

Three things that spook me:
1. I don't like spiders and snakes (and that ain't what it takes to love me).
2. Creepy-crawlies
3. Being claustrophobic

Three Favorite Desserts:
1. homemade ice cream
2. fresh coconut cake
3. fried apples

Three favorite fruits:
1. Pineapple
2. Peach
3. Banana

Three favorite Pizzas:
1. All the veggies
2. All the meats and veggies
3. All the meats

Three places I love to shop:
1. Harbor Freight
2. Lowe's
3. Northern Tool & Equipment

Have Fun sharing your 3's

Note:  The International Internet Industry Investigators, or I. I. I. I., canta y no llores...no.  Espérate.  ¿Porque estoy pensando en español?  O...veo.  Cielito Lindo.  ¡Qué bonita!  Por supuesto.  Realmente, yo soy impresionado que yo recuerdo un poquito de mis lecciones de español.  Anyway, the Quad-I has found that it has been approximately a very long time since I last posted a joke under The Funny Pages.  Why?  Well, I wish I knew the answer to that one.  Perhaps it's been awhile since anyone has sent me anything so funny that I felt I had to post it?  Okay, so that's not true.  I've gotten some in my e-mail, but let's just say they weren't exactly family-friendly.  Anyway, I'm rambling on again as I love to do, just feel free to club me in the hands  so I stop typing at ;ml,scfamhn n

One day I met a sweet gentleman and fell in love.  When it became apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.

Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home from work.  Since I lived in the countryside I called my husband and told him that I would be late because I had to walk home.  On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odor of baked beans was more than I could stand. With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and before I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans...

All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas.

Upon my arrival, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly:  'Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight.'

He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang.  He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned and went to answer the call.

The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my husband was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill.  I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously.

Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more.  The stink was worse than cooked cabbage.

Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on like this for another few minutes.

The pleasure was indescribable.  When eventually the telephone farewells signaled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself.

My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband returned, apologizing for taking so long.  He asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured him I had not.

At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around the table chorused: 'Happy Birthday!'

I fainted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks Gina for passing (lol) this one along!

I read this article about this particular person involved in a bank robbery.  (I forget, do we say "allegedly" here?)  I couldn't help but ponder some ways we could prevent future bank robberies.  Whatever happened to bank guards?  Perhaps they were as helpful as Asa on the Andy Griffith Show, and were soon phased out?  Which brings me to number one:

1.  Arm someone at the bank.

Now, I've always been against arming people who don't know what they're doing with firearms.  I realize that just like anything these days, many banks are run on skeleton crews.  No need to have your tellers spend weeks at the firing range.  I'm actually suggesting hiring a guard who has been trained in marksmanship.  Don't give the guard a pistol.  Give him a high-powered rifle.  Maybe even give him a propane bottle and a flame thrower.  Let would-be robbers know that they're going to need some heavy artillery to pull this "big one" off.

2.  It's a trap!

Let's say that the would-be robber is unfazed by an armed guard.  Why not have a trap for the unsuspecting suspect?  Don't press the silent alarm button.  Instead, press the "open the floor and watch the unsuspecting suspect fall down a floor" button, ala tv game show "Russian Roulette" or one of those old Bugs Bunny skits.  No lower level?  Well, I've never been in a bank that didn't have a sectioned-off vestibule.  How about a system that locks the outer door, waits for the suspect to attempt to leave with the money, then locks the inner door?  Might work best with some steel roll-down doors, or perhaps bulletproof glass if you'd like to have a human "terror terrarium" or something like that.

3.  Punishment.

Punish that would-be robber.  Have some special suckers just for bank robbers.  Coat them with ultrafast-acting laxatives.  Too light?  Well, in that bag full of $50s and $100s they requested, , how's about adding a little hand grenade, sans pin?  Why stain the money and the crook with paint when you can stain them with their own unique DNA?

Note:  If you make a lot of money off of implementing these ideas, just remember where you got them from.  Also, if you fail to make a lot of money because someone else implemented these ideas, just remember, I didn't get my money either.

I think I introduce new categories to show off my PhotoImpact prowess:

Yes, it's now time for Stephen'z Weakly Reader.  In case you missed the previous blog entry (you unloyal reader, you), you should probably not skip the rest of this paragraph.  Stephen'z Weakly Reader is my method of cleaning all the interesting items that I've starred in my Google Reader, (my chosen RSS feed reader).  And shame on you for not reading my blog more closely.  What do you think I do this to hear myself type?  Okay, do you think I do this only to hear myself type?

If you are a regular reader (thanks Metamucil!), I do apologize if you didn't catch your cue to excuse yourself to this paragraph.  I'll try to be more transparent next time.  I'm rambling...on with my weakly newz.

Here's how to get your money's worth at CVS slash Pharmacy.  Wow...apparently the blog I got that from has died.  Good thing I bookmarked it.

From "The Adventures of ASBO Jesus" comes a cartoon:

 

Have you found yourself identifying with this?  You visit (or attend) a great church which does awesome things, yet you don't like the people who are the church?

And here are some cool toys on my wishlist...if you have a few extra hundred bucks kicking around...

The iGala Wi-Fi Linux Based Photo Frame

The ImageLab Instant Slide Scanner

The itzbeen Baby Care Timer - Which I realize we're pretty well set on this and don't really need one, but if you're going to a nerd's baby shower, you might wanna think about this one...again, if you have a few extra hundred bucks kicking around.

Okay, that should be enough for now...I'll interest or bore you with more later!

Last time I introduced a new category, I joked to myself that I needed to make a "new category" category if I was to continue coming up with new categories.  Well, I came up with another category, so I decided that I probably should introduce the "New Categories" category along with the brand-spankin' new idea of Stephen'z Weakly Reader.  I realize that I've neglected to put "Stephen'z" anywhere in pointing to the "Weakly Reader" category, but hey, you should know by now that it is mine.

Stephen'z "Weakly Reader" is dedicated to all the starred posts in his Google Reader.  It's basically my way of doing a little housecleaning in my RSS reader, while letting you into my mind to the things that I find interesting on occasion.  (You and the management of Stephen'z Blog may not find the content of the posts interesting.  Please consider this an error and ignore anything you don't like.)

Without further adieu...or perhaps with further adieu.  I've never really understood that phrase.  I guess it would help if I knew a bit of French.  I know a little French.  I should use the phrase "pardon my French" next time I let a cussword fly...  Yeah.  I'll do that.

If so, here's your reminder:

 

 

So yesterday we go to China Buffet, home of the "Mile Long Buffet."  I still haven't figured out how they get a mile out of those buffets.  Anyhow, after the meal, you could guess what happened.  Yes, we made the "mile long" walk to the "mile long" soft serve ice cream, walked a "mile" back to the table, and sat down to eat our "mile long" ice cream.  Our waiter brings out the "mile long" check and our "mile long" fortune cookies.  My "mile long" fortune:

 

 

I have to say that this has indeed been my experience.  Ones to always regret what could have done.  My only hope is that ones do in fact remember for next time.

Oh, and one more thing..."mile long."

Duh-dun.

Duh-dun.

Dun dun dun dun dun dun....

Read more about this on Crystal Coast News.

...here's another YouTube video which was brought to my attention in a friend's Facebook discussion of Bar-B-Que.  This especially applies to those of you not from the South.

(From YouTube)

My one qualm with this video is that it implies NC only has one type of BBQ.  They're from NC...they should know better.  If y'all ain't from 'round here, ask me to explain it to ya.