I remember the days of chatting with random people across the country, even the globe, when we first got Internet access at home.  Now, lets pause for a moment of silence for that little piece of me that just died because I realized that I have been Internet accessible for over 10 years now...

...

Thank you.  Now, as I was saying, back in the day, I would chat with random strangers on the Internet.  (That's back when there was only one, and it was so important that we capitalized the first letter.)  I can remember chatting with at least two different girls who sent themselves pictures with their current or past boyfriend who looked a lot like me.  Growing up, people used to say, "Hey, you look just like your brother."  Just like cars released three years apart, there were some distinct similarities in our appearance, but you'd have to be blind to think we were the same model.  What I'm saying is, for me to say that this guy looks like me, there's a good chance that this guy does actually in fact look like me.

Yesterday I got a message on the internets from my brother-in-law:

I've found your twin! I['m] listening to Lodge McCammon at the Friday Institute...he has a YouTube video you'd like called "Misprint." don't have the URL, but you could probably do a search...it's about a stupid misprint in a children's book! Thought you might like it.

So I did a little digging on the Youtubes and found this:

(From YouTube)

Not only do we favor each other, but he's doing something I probably would do if I had a video camera and time to post random things like that on the internets.  They're closing in on me!  They used to be in Wisconsin, and Ohio, and other parts unknown, but now they're converging on the Triangle area!!!  The horror!!!!!  The clamity!!!!!!!!!  The exclamation points!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Though if that guy's supposed to be my twin, I need to lose a few pounds. 

Here's a brief recap of everything that had happened prior to last weekend...

We had always wanted to have children sometime but never had planned when to start our family.  Shanda had struggled for some time with issues preventing her from being able to become pregnant.  Eventually, this led her to switch to a different GYN.  After some helpful info and promising news, we had a more positive outlook.  (I knew that God would bless us with children someday, but it took me quite a bit to convince Shanda of that.)  We had a few setbacks with the new approach, and had been trying acupuncture for some time.  After some research, Shanda had decided that we'd kick it up a notch and she went to a true Oriental acupuncturist.  Sometime between her first appointment and her follow up appointment, we became pregnant.

After all the excitement of sharing the news with everyone (at the appropriate times, of course), it began to sink in that we were going to be mommy and daddy.  (At least we thought at the time that it was sinking in.)  We were faced with a plethora of decisions and preparations to make and account for.

After Shanda did some research and I said "aight," we began attending Bradley Childbirth Classes.  I learned a whole lot during the 12-ish weeks we got together.  The class dynamic was great, students and teachers included.  This story would not be nearly as interesting had we skipped out on the Bradley classes...

Just after Christmas, Shanda found out that she had gestational diabetes.  She had already radically changed her diet prior to finding it out, and she was here having to radically change it again.  After visiting the acupuncturist, Shanda went on some new herb-based treatments.  Soon thereafter, she began itching like it was her job.  After weeks of itching, several tubes of anti-itch creams, and lots of researching what she had been eating, she finally determined that she was having an allergic reaction to soy.  Just in case you didn't know, soy is in about everything edible with the exception of cardboard and fescue.  (Actually, I'm just guessing about the cardboard.)  Thankfully, Food Lion had soy-free boneless skinless chicken breasts on sale for about a two month stretch (and counting).

The OBs Shanda was seeing were helping her to control the Gestational Diabetes with a combination of food and drugs.  A side effect of Gestational Diabetes is that babies grow larger faster.  At week 35, Chandler was estimated to weigh around 7½ pounds.  The doctors were talking about induction on week 39, but we told them we didn't want to do that.  Shanda went ahead and made some appointments with the acupuncturist once more to begin a more natural induction around week 37.  Just one week after we had finished our Bradley classes, Shanda woke me up in the middle of the night saying she was having contractions lasting one minute coming every five minutes.  I told her to eat, drink, and I rubbed her shoulders.  Soon, the contractions began subsiding.  The following week, Shanda had two appointments with the acupuncturist.  We had begun some preparations for birth and had completed a birth plan and delivered it to the OB office earlier that week.

After the first episode of contractions, we started thinking we needed to get our ducks in a row.  I began getting my paperwork squared away at work for time off.  We began researching practitioners for our incoming baby.  We began getting the house ready.  Little did we know what was coming ahead.

That brings us to Saturday night around 7pm when Shanda began having contractions again.  They were similar to the ones she had before, so she didn't get too excited.  The next morning around 7am, they began getting more intense, being felt from a different place than the previous contractions.  When I woke up around 8 or so, Shanda showed me where she had been timing her contractions.  I didn't really think much of it at the time since it seemed to be about the same as last time.  Little did I know how different this time was from last time.

The contractions grew stronger and closer together.  Shanda had eaten, drunk, and we had gone through with some relaxation exercises.  The contractions were still coming.  We tried to relax her with a bath in hopes of slowing things down, but to no avail.  It began to seem more and more apparent that we were about to be two a-parents.

As time went by, things were progressing more and more.  It began (again) to sink in that we were becoming parents more quickly than we had imagined.  The car had been packed for weeks and we had just had the car seat checked out the previous Thursday.  Everything was in place for a baby to be a part of our family.  After timing the contractions and working through labor until about 3:00 Sunday afternoon we decided that it was time.  We paged the OB on call and she said "bring her in."

We had done a "dry run" a few weeks earlier where we drove to the hospital and drove by the door of the emergency room.  This time, it was for real.  We drove to the hospital and stopped in front of the ER door.  Someone pulled up behind us and used the wheelchair that was outside on the porch.  After one last contraction in the car, I helped Shanda walk out and towards the door.  I began getting things out of the back when a contraction hit.  Shanda squatted down by the back of the vehicle, and it was obvious that she wasn't going through anything extremely pleasant.  A kind EMT walked up to us and asked if she was alright.  Nonchalantly, I replied "she's just laboring along."  Either she was taken aback by what I'd said, or my tone caused it to not be processed immediately, but after a moment she said, "Oh my gosh!  Do you want me to get a wheelchair?"  "Sure, that would be great!" I replied.  When she returned with the wheelchair, we sat Shanda down and I unloaded our important bags.  I parked the car while the EMT stood there with Shanda.  I jogged on towards the ER door and joined my wife.  As I wheeled her in the door, I had to place our bags on an ex-ray conveyor belt as I walked her around the metal detector.  "Go down there and press the doorbell by the door and they'll get you squared away."
We rolled on through the door with the help of someone in the ER waiting room.  Through a few contractions, Shanda signed a few papers while I went through every shred of paper in my wallet trying to find our insurance card.  I finally was able to find the card and the lady at the desk printed Shanda's armband, put it on her, and then walked around the desk to take us upstairs.

We went to the fourth floor and directly into Labor & Delivery Room 2.  We kind of sat there for awhile going back and forth over whether or not she should be checked for progress.  We weren't exactly sure just what to do, but we milled around and worked through a couple of contractions.  Our nurse, Carolyn came into the room and talked with us a bit.  We found out that our birth plan had not made its way to the hospital.  We also did not have a copy of it with us.  We hit some important parts with her and then we waited for Doctor Miller.  When she came she told us that there wasn't much way to tell what was going on without getting checked, but left the ultimate decision up to us.  After some time being hooked up on the monitors and working through it, Dr. Miller came to us again and we hesitantly decided to be checked.  After about one hour of being at the hospital, we were at 5cm.  I was excited.  Shanda was discouraged that we weren't further along.

As time passed, Carolyn told us her shift was coming to an end soon.  We asked if the Irish midwife was going to be working that night, as we had heard about her from a couple who came to speak in our Bradley class.  As luck would have it, (luck of the Irish, eh?) she was working that night, and we put in our request for her.  My, what a blessing it was to meet Dee.  She was very nice, and very on board with our plans and let us know what our options were for pain, etc.  Our intention was to go natural as much as possible.

We worked for awhile and got checked after awhile and we were up to 8cm.  Dee was great for helping us try different positions and different places to labor.  She had finally suggested we labor facing backwards on the toilet.  After several contractions, Shanda's water broke.  Shortly thereafter we got checked and were back down to 6 cm.  Through lots of struggle, we got back up to 8 cm.  At this point, Dee recognized that Shanda had been working so hard that her body was becoming stressed and dehydrated.  She finally recommended that Shanda have Stadol and Phenergan in order to allow Shanda and her body to rest in hopes that she would be able to perform in the final stages of labor.  As Shanda slowly drifted off to sleep, the rest of us were able to catch a few winks as well.

Eventually, the pain medicine had worn off and we had progressed to 9.5 cm.  Unfortunately, no more progress was being made and we were told that Shanda had an anterior lip on her cervix that would not allow her to dilate to 10cm.  At this point, our OB had suggested that as a last resort, we try an epidural which would possibly have allowed some more contraction and caused the baby to descend through the birth canal.  Unfortunately, the epidural did not cause this to happen and the last little bit of dilation we were hoping for didn't happen.  

Fortunately, however, the epidural made getting prepared for c-section surgery much easier.  They rolled Shanda down the hall and we moved all our things into the recovery room.  After she was prepped for surgery I was brought into the room and sat on a stool at Shanda's head behind the drape.  I had my camera on my wrist ready to go.  Dee offered to take a picture as soon as he was out and I gladly accepted her offer.  Within just a few minutes, he was pulled out and almost immediately began crying.  They carried him to the corner of the room where they began getting him cleaned up and checked out.  I vividly remember hearing the phrase, "Look out!  He's peeing!"  When they were done with all that, I went over for a few minutes to welcome him into the world.  I went back to Shanda as the doctors were finishing up with her.  They let me hold our new son so that mom could have a good look at him.  I was barely able to look my little man in the eyes and squeak out an "I love you" without my eyes completely filling up with tears.

They took Chandler from me and we went across the hallway to greet Shanda's parents and her sister.  After a few ooohs, ahhs, and flashes of the camera, we walked down to the nursery to get him admitted.  He weighed in at 8 lbs., 7.8 ozs., and he measured 21 ¾ inches.  They checked his vitals and his blood glucose level.  Everything was good except for his blood glucose.  The nurse grabbed him a bottle of formula and began feeding him.  After awhile, they checked again, and it was still too low.  She told me to go update mama and she wheeled him down to the special care nursery where they began a dextrose IV.

I walked back and updated Shanda and her family and I showed off all the pictures I had taken in the admitting nursery.  After awhile there, Shanda was assigned a postpartum room and we moved everything we had brought with us down there.  We stayed there for awhile and got some rest.

Some time after lunch, I went to the nursery to visit with Chandler.  I got to hold him for quite some time and bond with him.  At this point, Shanda wasn't able to walk on her own, so the nurses told me to get a wheelchair to bring her down in.  After awhile, we both went down together and Shanda got to hold him for the first time.
The rest of the week has been quite a blur.  We've been down to the special care nursery about every three hours to feed and bond.  Tuesday I managed to leave for a little while to get Shanda some real food.  Wednesday I went and printed some pictures and turned my time sheet and also got Shanda some real food.  While I was out, I also picked up a Diamond 7's scratch ticket because Chandler was born at 7:07. We won about $50!

Today, we were hoping for the three of us to go home together.  Fortunately, Chandler has been weaned off the dextrose and taken off the IV.  Unfortunately, his bilirubin levels were elevated and they are keeping him under the phototherapy lamp to help it out of his system.  Aside from that, he's doing great!  Mom is doing great aside from the fact that she is ready for all of us to be at home together.  Dad is ready for everyone to be home too.  Hopefully soon we'll all be on our way home.

One of the advantages to having little or no concept of time is that time flies like an arrow.  Think about this:  you’re stuck at work doing some mundane task and there’s no clock in sight.  Before you know it, it’s time to go!

Then again, one of the disadvantages to having little or no concept of time is that time flies like an arrow.  Say for instance you’re watching Lost on ABC.  While you’re sitting there trying to piece together pieces of the puzzle, you suddenly realize that you have been watching this show for the last five years and while you still have no idea what is going on, the show is coming to an end in a little more than a year!

It’s safe to say that my marriage, for the most part, has flown by like the last example.  Today, Shanda and I celebrate our fifth wedding anniversary.  (And before you ask, no, I’m not spending our anniversary by spouting absolute randomness via blog.  I typed this out yesterday and scheduled it to be posted today.  That was weird to type, but tomorrow it will make sense...or is that today?)  It’s hard to believe that five years have passed since I stood waiting* on the pier as the sun set over Lake Waccamaw, not knowing that the sweat inside my tuxedo would become sweatcicles as soon as the sun was gone.

(Coffee Maker’s Note:  I’ll try not to get too sappy, but in case I do, be forewarned.)

Like we said in our vows, we had our ups and downs before we got married, and I’m here to tell ya, it didn’t stop then.  We’ve had our ups and downs since we got married, too.  Being married is work, but it yields its rewards.  Of course, there have been times when I would say that staying married is A LOT of work.  Like one preacher said, “I’ve never once thought about divorce...murder, yes, but not divorce.”  However, the benefits of staying happily married FAR surpass anything which could ever be gained through being apart.  One thing I have learned is that you need to be flexible.  While a “couple” exists as a single unit, it is comprised of two.  There needs to be compromise.  I’ve wanted things that didn’t fit with what Shanda wanted, and she’s wanted things that didn’t fit with what I wanted.  In the end, though, I usually get my way, and we’re both happy.  I kid...we both have had to give up things to make the other happy.

Sometimes relationships don’t work out because “(s)he changed.”  I know I’m not the same person that Shanda married.  I know that Shanda isn’t the same person that I married.  We’re still (relatively) young.  We are still discovering what we want to be!  Of course we’re going to adapt to things we like doing.  For me, the key has been learning who Shanda is at the core.  She’s always being thoughtful about others, she’s crafty and talented in many ways, she’s great in the kitchen, and for some reason, she loves me.  I don’t know how I ended up with such a wonderful person in my life, but I’m thankful to God that I did.

Now, even more change is coming.  (Obama said so.)  In about a month (holy shimolies, Batman) we’ll change from being only “husband and wife” to being that plus “mama and papa.”  We will go from just being a couple to being a family of three individual units.  (I think) I’m looking forward to all the challenges and surprises that lie ahead.

I could go on and on about how blessed I am to have the wife that I have.  I could tell you about how perfect my wife and I are for each other.  I could tell you more about the challenges and rewards of marriage.  I won’t, though, because it’s the end of the day, and I have a wonderful woman waiting on me** at home.

Happy 5th Anniversary!  I love you Shanda.

Footnotes for Shanda:

*No, honey, I’m not going to mention how long you made me wait, especially since everyone reading this would probably know anyway...just know that had changed your mind, I would still be waiting on you.

*Honey, I just now realized that I’ve been making you wait 30 minutes to see me every day when I call to tell you I’m on my way home.  It just happened to work out that way.

Surviving in addition to his mother are a sister, Connie Parrott and husband, Donald, of Roxboro; and a niece April Duncan and husband, Perry, of Roxboro.

Visitation will be from 9:30 a.m. to 10:45 a.m. today, Dec. 24, at the funeral home.

Pallbearers will be Tony Bradsher, Richard Cates, Mark McCullough, Chris Parker, Ronnie Oakley, Tim Rogers, Greg White, Cecil White and Robbie Harris.

Memorials may be made to the Mt. Zion United Methodist Church, c/o of Betty Jean Horton, 497 Long’s Store Rd., Roxboro, NC 27574 or the Hurdle Mills VFD, P.O. Box 160, Hurdle Mills, NC 27541.

Condolences may be sent to www.brooksandwhite.com.